Zanshin - Without Hesitation

Good stuff in this teisho by Ven. Anzan Hoshin roshi:

“Beyond control” does not mean “out of control;” it means that the sense of solidity, comfort and predictability that self-image tries to maintain is completely irrelevant to one's actual experiences. You don't even know what this sentence is going to say until you have read it. Once you've read it, the black shapes and letters become words and meanings and then you have the sense that you have read it. It is only after a thought has arisen that you have the illusion that you have thought it.

Self-image arises as memory, as a contraction around the vividness of life as it is and, in order to ascertain a sense of its own continuity, it lumps things together, piles them up and strings itself along. It can only do this by ignoring most of the details of the moment, and it dulls their vividness by pushing and pulling itself into an imaginary “past” or “future.” However, the energy of the arising of this moment is the energy of our life itself, and by backing away from this vast energy we find ourselves lifeless, confined, hesitating, awkward, angry, judgemental, guilty, sad."